If none of these resources are helpful enough, there is also the option of marriage counseling or couples therapy. If you are ever in a position to consider this possibility, there are a few things you might want to think about before (and after) making that decision.
It is not a good idea to wait until both partners fully agree to the idea of getting professional help. If a person is clear that they feel the need for another set of eyes and ears, it is probably time.
One way to minimize any potential conflict around this decision is to reach an agreement that either member of the couple has the authority to unilaterally exercise the couples therapy option if they deem it necessary.
The best time to create this agreement is before, not after, the relationship begins to deteriorate. With that said, here are 5 things to consider if you are considering for marriage counselling.
Table of Contents
1. The Stopwatch is Everything
The question of when to choose to go is, as I suggested earlier, an important one. If a couple waits too long, it can be very expensive in many ways.
The more ingrained the problems, the longer it takes to solve them. In some cases, irreparable damage can occur if the situation is seriously damaged. Of course, do everything you can to improve your relationship and repair what you have broken yourself.
But also be aware of recurring negative patterns that don’t respond to best efforts. That could mean you may have to call in the cavalry, in this case you must hire family couselling Melbourne.
2. Pick a Person you Both Feel you can Work With
There is no generic answer to the question of how to know if you have the right marriage counselor, but it is important that you both agree that he is someone with whom you can at least begin the process.
It is unrealistic for a counselor to expect you to commit to extensive work even before you have experience working with him or her.
Be wary of therapists who try to engage with you for a certain time or several sessions before they have the experience of learning about your work.
And on an associated note, be willing to ask your counselor any questions you consider relevant to their ability to accurately assess your competence and suitability, such as experience, qualifications, success rate, education, or even marital status and history.
If the counselor refuses to respond or turns her request into a question about her trust issues, we encourage you to seek help elsewhere.
3. Be Clear About What you Really Want to Get Out of this Process
Couples enter counseling with a wide range of intentions, some conscious and some unconscious, some shared and some not shared. Some are content to simply deal with the situation that got them there and return to their “normal” level of relationship.
Others may seek a transcendent experience that turns their relationship into a source of spiritual fulfillment. Your counselor may ask you about your goals early on.
Thinking about this question beforehand will speed up the process considerably. And try to remember that it is normal for even the clearest intentions to change, change, or (hopefully) be fulfilled in this process.
If this happens, you can broaden or adjust your counseling goals. You are not permanently stuck in anything you say in response to the “purpose question.” But it is a good starting point.
4. Your Advisor is a Consultant, Not a Repairman
Although couples can disagree on many issues, one thing they generally agree on is that it is the responsibility of the therapist to establish the marriage. After all, why else would we pay you all that money?
Going to the dentist may not be a particularly pleasant experience for most of us, but one thing we can trust is that the dentist will take responsibility for managing our dental concerns without expecting more from us than following a few simple instructions. , such as open, close, rinse, spit, grind.
Not so in couples counseling, which is a more dynamic process that involves interactions between three people and requires each partner to take an active role in the process and be willing to be an involved agent in influencing its outcome.
Your marriage counselor is there to help and guide you in considering new ways of looking at things, to redirect your attention from your partner’s behavior and more to you and your relationship.
5. The Real “Work” of Marriage Counseling Takes Place Between Sessions
The marriage relationship counselling office is not the only place where therapy work takes place, but it is the place where many of the lessons are learned.
As most of us know from experience, knowing what to do in general is not enough to bring about real change. What is needed is to get involved in practices that promote the development of the qualities that we need to embody, in order to produce the changes in our relationship that we want.
These qualities include (but are not limited to) responsibility, compassion, integrity, authenticity, commitment, courage, and emotional honesty.
Our life outside of the office is where we end up practicing and ultimately integrating new styles of relationships and communication that invite openness and trust and discourage avoidance and advocacy.
If you feel that these changes are much easier to implement in your therapy office than at home, it is probably because the additional support from your counselor has created a safety net that will allow you to risk greater emotional vulnerability.
The art of creating mutually satisfying relationships requires more of us than we could have initially bargained for. Fortunately, we are not alone.
Help is available, not just in the form of marriage counseling, but through the wisdom, support, and shared life experiences of others who have come down this path before us and learned valuable lessons.